Repeat offender

Picked up a family member today. Hugs and kisses. Noticed a bruise on person's left temple. Person mentioned that a male knocked this person over. Glasses fell off face and were tweaked. Talked to the person in charge. That person will talk to the male tomorrow. Suggestion was made to take this person's glasses to any optician to get them fixed.

In car with person we picked up. Apparently I can advocate too much for the person we just picked up. Driver told me to knock it off. I need to let the other person talk. I do it too much and the driver is not above making me get out of the car and walk home. "You can walk this distance. You've done it before." I was livid the driver would say that to me. "Yeah, let me talk for myself" the other person said. Guess what I soo changed my tune with them both. I didn't advocate for the person anymore. That person will have to do it all, now.

Btw the driver had teased this person earlier about the optician taking out big needles. This person got scared. I gave death glares to the driver. The driver teased the person, and thought it was funny to blame me on what was said. I told the driver they had to calm this person down. Driver spoke out if turn drivers responsibility. The person clung to me, instead. Then when we got to the car all that bullshit happened.

Then the driver tells me that for my sins I'm going to help the person today.

ASSHOLE.

I did not purposely start a conversation with this person the rest of the day.

4.29.13

Tough day today. Some ppl need to realize they aren't innocent. They are responsible as well.

Half way to being able to take another Xanax. Let me clarify this statement. I'm trying to get off Xanax. So I started at three days apart, then four days apart, then five days apart. Now I'm at six days apart. I had gotten as far as 16 days apart but then the tonsillectomy hit. Out went that schedule with every flare up of my nerves. So, here I am trying again. This week ill be attending my first group session dealing with stress and depression.

I worked on my loom knitting today. The scarf is finally taking shape,length-wise.
I worked on my scarf outside because certain ppl were working my last nerve. I didn't really speak to this person until hours later. I waited for that person to come to me. Eventually that person did come to me. Still p. o.

Family member with anxiety

My family member had slept well. Waking up said person was anxious. I know exactly what that's like. This person eventually calmed down.

I felt resentful today vs. my hubby. I will not go into details. However, I resent that he put himself in a position of power and left me with none in this topic. Especially since the resource comes from me!

I resented the people around me today.

1. The Bobsie twins invading my space in the travel size section of the store.

2. The Pont size terror who whines like a girl, even though he's clearly a boy. Dad had to pick him up and forcibly place him in the elevator. And hubby wanted us to share the same car with them. That child had screamed for over 20 minutes in the play area we were in. He seemed to parallel me when I moved away from the you section. "OMG is he following me?!", I thought.

3. I wanted to lay down and rest but aforementioned family member would not move over. I was at the point of yelling! I finally DID get my nap in soon after.

4. This whole weekend I was responsible for the care and safety of the family member with anxiety. Hubby refused to relieve me stating it was my fault for opening my "big mouth". I quietly flicked the bird his way. Today I left him to take care of said person.

5. The Bully on the Escalator. I was going down the escalator when I noticed someone invading my personal space. I look to the left. I look to the right. The man behind me says, "What?!" As I get off the escalator I veer left and look right. The man Brusquely got off the escalator and veered right towards the registers. Pissed me off!!

KMA that's how I feel about today.


KMA
KMA
KMA
KMA
KMA

KMM-FA


I just posted a fictionalized account of the crying child. I'm working on the bully on the escalator now.

Family Member Needs Help

I woke up this morning to a family member shaking. I prepared this person a breathing treatment. This person kept having to pee nervous drops of pee until a BM finally occurred.

Hugs helped this person as well.
This person is asking for another breathing treatment. Heart rate has gone up. This person has anxiety, but no rx to calm down.

Took a walk around the backyard with this person. Our dog followed us, barking and chasing the ball tossed at him.

This person is now drawing the family. Still learning to draw so stick figures it is.

This person now feels better one hour later. 11:04am.

It came in cycles today. This person needs to see the doctor about the whole situation.
Breathing treatments, Tylenol, allergy med., etc… walks to take the edge off. Drawing, reading, and writing.

This person finally took the allergy medicine and went to bed early.

Mental health 4.26.13

Well, I'm doing pretty well today. I started calling local non-profit organizations to offer my time to volunteer. I felt really good about it. Volunteering will help me desensitize myself to my agoraphobia triggers.

I'm beginning to understand how and why Monk needed a life coach/nurse/personal assistant. I need an adult with me to get in the car and go some place. Once there in a locale I know I can go one way and the adult the other way.

I walked the dog twice today. Both times 3-4 houses past the pocket fence that represents my anchor to the house.

The other day I walked to the corner, past the fence and started hyperventilating on the way back. As Ms G stated I used cognitive thinking to modify my behavior. I talked to myself to calm down. I breathed deeply, and said "you're almost to the fence. After that you're close to to home." Don't fold up on yourself. You have your cell phone and the dog. You can pet the dog. You can call home and tell hem to come get you with your medicine."

As I talked to myself I took one step after another. When I got to the fence I was happy. I calmed down more and walked home more calmly.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tmJiyWsTAhs

This should link you to PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER from RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER.

My health

Today I went six days without taking a Xanax. I just took .5 Xanax. In slowly spacing out my intake if them. After the surgery it was three days apart, then four days apart twice, then five days apart. Now I'm at six says apart. This is the first six day. Then six days later it will be six days apart again. Then next time it should be seven days apart.
I just took a needed nap after the Xanax. I woke up, had dinner and am doing better.

This intake has made me think to wait a bit longer, I just wasn't up to feeling the full on panic attack I usually wait for. It had symptoms if being a painful one.

The Old Haunted Ground

I'm working on a long chapter. I can't quite smooth it out. I know it needs work.


What else? I journaled, I blogged, and I wrote a chapter in my story. It needs major reworking.

Today I made plans to volunteer somewhere. I called the library and spoke to customer service AND their bookstore. The bookstore has a bigger need than the library. Where else could I volunteer? Hospices, hospitals, senior homes, etc...

Day Mare wake ups

The past week I've reverted to waking up from naps with a day mare. Fortunately they are less traumatic than before since I have the correct Rx now.

Last night, for example I took a nap for an hour. I awoke suddenly hyperventilating, and heart slightly fast. I got up and went to the kitchen sink and just stood there breathing until I finally woke up. Hubby asked me if I was ok. If I had had a nightmare.

I'm not as scared as I was back in December. In December I was on Celexa. Yuk! A bad FLUSH every time. G. thinks the symptoms of my flushing may be from transitioning meds. Any Rx that does that to you while transitioning is not good.

Therapy Today

Today I finally saw my therapist. G. came out and let me know the session would be starting a bit late due to a meeting. I said no problem. I continued to loom a scarf for a family member.

I showed G. the various strategies I was employing to overcome anxiety.

1. Journalling
2. Blogging
3. Story writing
4. Loom Knitting

I also talked about the symptoms I've been having since the surgery, followed by domestic terrorism here in America.

We came up with steps to desensitize me to trigger causing problems.

It's been five days since I last had a Xanax. I was able to overcome taking it yesterday. I might be due today. I've been distancing the days one day at a time. I started with three days, then four days, now five days twice. Is it time to try for six days? I'll let you know tomorrow.

After session I met my caseworker, J. I went on a therapy walk with J. to two discount stores looking for black yarn. The first one didn't impress me. The 2nd one had what needed. Yarns, knitting needles, crochet hook, travel size sewing kit. All for less than $8.00.

Group therapy will be starting next month. Once a week. Yay. How to overcome stress and anxiety.

Chicken Fricasee

Last night we had chicken Fricasee. It gave me the idea. For an installment in MY CRAPPY NOVEL.

I just realized I have three drafted one-shot stories that need to be completed and published. Laundry, clothes, this one, and...? The trade...

ASIT

I informed my m-i-l about the sewing and knitting sessions at ASIT. She thought it would be a good idea to go. It's only $5.00 for a 2 hour sewing circle.

I worked on my loom knit scarf for A. today. My cousin picked the color blue for his swatch. I said swatch but I'll actually make him a scarf.

Good night.

4.22.13

Well I found out ASIT has a knitting class today. I missed the 1/3 last week. Today is 2/3 and next week is 3/3 class. Did not go since hubby had tension headache.

Hubby has had a tension headache since last night. He's rested most of the day. This affected me after 3pm. I had to tutor a child with homework. This child didn't want to do it. Child asked for a third slice of cheese... No more cheese, focus. Gogurt is available. Too much cheese causes constipation. Child started writing silly sentences in spelling. Spelling words this week are homonyms. Here are two dilly sentences written...

1. I sighed at my side juice.
2. I poured him a poor juice.

I tried to get the child to rearrange the sentences, explaining why they were inappropriate or wrongly stated. Child did not want to fix the sentences. Child did not want to do math either. Apparently it was a bad day all around.

Right now, 7:30pm, I took my pm rx cholesterol and Lexapro. I had to take it early. I realized I was causing myself to hyperventilate. I'm starting over again.

Symptoms I'm suffering:
1. hyperventilation because I'm holding my breath
2. Out of body feeling.., I hate that! All my old symptoms are coming back.
3. FEAR about the spots in my mammogram.

Last night I couldn't help but think about my follow up mammogram. I have fibroids in BOTH breasts. When they first popped up they HURT!!! At the end of last year, when I had my panic/anxiety attacks my breasts once again started hurting when I had a bad panic attack. Freaky.

Oh, the photo here is of my neighbor. I went to take my dog for a walk. I had to real him back to avoid the neighbors unleashed dog. They ALWAYS have their dogs off-leash. The other day they jumped the fence and attacked two girls walking down the street. The girls hid on our driveway behind the car. One girl actually was bitten by a dog. She screamed she was going to kick the dog in the head. This was at the end of March, before the tonsillectomy.

Shy should I have to alter my plans because they like to have their dogs leash less. There is a law! Their dogs chased after me seven years ago when I was getting out of the car. They had done it repeatedly that week. Shite!!

Hunter color #18 beanie hat

I completed the hunter color #18 beanie for P today. I showed the pic on Facebook. I was complimented on it. I asked for method of delivery. Two-day post at $2.00, P said would be fine. :-)

I'm not charging P even though P offered to pay. How could I? I'm new to knitting. But, I made P the beanie hat with the color of yarn asked for. Now P is asking for a beanie hat with Pom Pom and braids at the end. Realizing I didn't understand completely (I had an Austin Powers Gold Member Japanese twins come to mind). P sent me a picture of what was really and truly requested. Thank you P.

I asked my m-i-l if she had a bigger loom. She does. Now to test it. I really should ask P what size is the diameter if P's head.

My friend A from TX says a multi colored scarf is fine. "Which one?", I asked. There are three different multi-colored yarn.

I spoke to my sister about Christmas. I'm knitting, she's sewing. Handmade gifts this year.

Driving while anxious

I tried driving today again. It's been a while since I last drove. I had to cross a major street. I would've preferred to drive to dollar tree since there are no major streets to cross.

I got us to Taco Bell, however, waiting at the drive-thru I became tense. I explained to hubby what was happening. He said,"fine, pull over and we'll switch. I'll drive home. We love mami." He repeated the last sentence a few times. He drove us home. I did not take a Xanax. Instead I sat down to drink my fruit punch and relax while my family ate their lunch.

My goal for the week, drive to or from school.


The picture shown here is from winter.

Panic at home

Well, I knew it was bound to happen. A panic attack. It's been a frenetic week. I've tried to avoid the news about the Boston marathon terrorists. I watch a bit then turn it off. Yesterday the younger brother was captured and arrested. Boston citizens came out to celebrate. Boston just went through what we went through here in Los Angeles and Orange County with Christopher Dorner. Now people are rejoicing and celebrating. People have pent up energy. So do I. It had to come out one way or another.

I spent my morning loom knitting, taking care of the kiddie pool, and watching over our poor dog who yelped in pain this morning. That started my dh on a negative day today. He's continued on and off.

I ended up waking up from a nap with a panic attack that had rapid heart rate as a symptom. Dh went to get lunch and I had my panic attack. My f-i-l wasn't going to empathize very well. I called my cousin on Tango. Usually talking and playing with my cousins calms me down. It did this past week. However, today I was farther along in panic mode than usual. I ended up Having to take .5 Xanax for the o set of my panic attack. The last one I had was 5 days ago.

I'm practically starting all over again since the tonsillectomy. The week before I ended up a nervous wreck worried about the outcome. I took the Xanax the night before the surgery (I had also taken it one or two more times before the surgery as well). I knew I would need it. I was happy my parents showed up. I was glad I was not in panic mode. After the surgery, and everything had turned out alright I had pent up energy. I was very glad that the situation was over. My subconscious, however, still wanted to cling to something negative and anxiety producing. Same way my mind clung to negativity before, now it's doing the same now.

They caught him

They finally caught the Boston marathon bomber. He was in a boat in someone's backyard in Watertown, MA. Everyone can now breathe easier. Shelter in place has been lifted. People can now leave their homes. Boston was a ghost town today.

Congrats Boston on overcoming your terrorist. My heart goes out to everyone affected by the bombs. From the families of the survivors and the dead, to the survivors of the MIT officer. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

THE BUS ON OLYMPIC BOULEVARD

 

                 

 

 

The Bus on Olympic Boulevard

            In a country called America; in the state of California; in the county of Los Angeles on Olympic Blvd., there sits parked an old VW bus.  The VW bus sits on amidst other cars, trucks, and RV’s.  It’s once shiny yellow body with white top has become dull; the paint chipped and falling off.  The bus’ tires wearily carry the frame of the bus.  The tires themselves, also cracking and falling apart due to long use, no longer have the proud treads that once drove its’ owners all over town.  Instead, now, bald spots can be seen throughout each tire.  Where there used to be two side-mirrors, now only one half-clings to the door of the bus.  Moth-eaten curtains line the windows of the bus.  The curtains are faded. Barely noticeable is the pattern of autumn leaves falling from the tree.

            In the front of the bus sits the analogue car console.  The radio console has a metal prong extending 1cm.  This is used to turn the radio on and off.  It also controls the volume.  The radio has four flat smooth “buttons”.  Each button corresponds to a section of the radio dials.  In front of the naked steering wheel is the primary console.  A gauge reads 7/8 to the left.  Another gauge reads 4/5 too much.  Looking in the rear view mirror reveals white puffy clouds billowing out from behind.

            Behind the two captains chairs are two rows of bench seats.  The first row seats

two.  The third row seats three. The first row of seats houses opened and discarded

wrappers of chips, pretzels, crackers, and cheese sticks; as well as banana peels, soda

cans, milk cartons, and tuna salad kits.  The third row has piles of clothes, two sheet

blankets, pillows and afghans. 

            The trunk is filled up to two inches shy of the ceiling.   The first layer has suitcases

and plastic bags of pants, skirts, dresses, shirts, blouses, sweaters, jackets, shoes, purses,

belts and hats.  The second layer houses old domestic appliances; a mixer, a hand held

vacuum cleaner, a juicer, pots & pans, a dual hot plate and a plant.  The top layer

holds an old nine iron, video tapes, CDs and a couple of DVDs.  Next to the media can

be found an old TV/VHS/DVD Combo. 

           
          Peeking through the two inches of window space a man and a woman stand behind the bus.  The man is moving to bend down to open the hood of the car where the engine is stored.  Upon seeing the billowing smoke he thinks again about opening the hood.  He stands up, waving away puffs of smoke.  His face is dejected as he turns to look at the woman next to him.  Her face is the bearer of concern.  Asking with her eyes; pleading, “Please, not now,” She accepts his embrace as he says, “Well, at least we got this far.” 

As they step away from the VW bus and rows of other cars, trucks and RVs a building comes into view. The exterior paint has been on for over ten years.  Shoe markings can be seen on the lower portion of the building.  There men and women have passed the day wondering what is in their future.

As the couple look up to the rest of the old building a sign comes into view.  The couple pauses as they read it. The woman begins to cry while the man trembles in place.  Here is where they hope to piece their lives back together again.

THE OLYMPIC BOULEVARD 

HOMELESS SHELTER 

copyrighted 2007,07-19

Mercedes Galvez-Arango

My health

I am Doing better after getting off the Celexa. I'm still recuperating from the

3:21pm
Doc's office just called. They wanted to be sure I got the medicine. I new to call them back.

I also got a letter from the DBC. they need to do a follow up on my mammogram. I told them before I has fibroids or cysts in my breasts. Of course the first minute I was calm and logical. After that I became nervous. Not overly nervous.; just enough. I finally told hubby about the letter 30 minutes or so later.

4:22pm. Survived an outing. Deep breaths to regulate my breathing pattern. I recognize, also, that the hyperventilation wasn't even that bad. I was creating my own chaos.

Texas blast fire---terrorism?

It is unbelievable what is happening in this country. Terrorism at the marathon. Mail terrorism against a senator and the president (ricin!). Then an explosion the next day at a fertilizer plant near Waco, TX. At least 15 people are feared dead. They know 5 people ARE dead. Lets see the current body count...


1. Boston Marathon 3 dead almost 200 physically injured. Of those 7 were amputated. Trauma has been visited upon 1000's of people in person and on tv.

2. Ricin letters to Washington, D.C. Ended up closing certain off site mail facilities. No one was mortally injured.

3. Waco, TX explosion so far killed 5. More are feared dead. Again trauma has been visited upon 1,000's both I n person and at home watching the broadcast.

Knitting baby color beanie hat

I have a new hobby; knitting. As I stated earlier I just learned how to finger knit this past weekend. Yesterday I went to michaels and got half a dozen yarn balls and a children's kit for learning to knit a hat. It's fun. I got a loom with the kit. I loom knitted a blue scarf yesterday. Then I went on to start a hat project. Fun!!

Apparently I have made enough of the hat that the length I have knitted is now longer than the string attached to the anchor peg. At first I thought my daughter did something to it this morning. She was looking at it and telling me to hurry up with her hat. 😄

2:35pm the length of my hat is ready for my audience. How do I finish? Gotta look at the directions and tutorial on YouTube.


6:51pm. I finished my first beanie hat! ;-) . Daughter likes it. Ice as complimented on it by my family.

4.17.13

Today hubby and I walked over a mile. Trying to find my pulse my first reading was 72. Whaat? I took it again. 100. Ok that's realistic for me.

We had to deviate from our walk when the corner neighbor arrived home. We went back one block and walked down until we felt the neighbor entered the house. We went back up and finished our walk. We did not see our famous neighbor whose dogs escape on a regular basis.

Hubby told me on our walk that apparently last night I went to the freezer and grabbed a Popsicle. He asked me what I was doing. Hindsight we see that I may have been sleepwalking. If not not all together awake. I never answered him. When he came to bed he found the Popsicle stick on the bed. I was asleep.

I do know that an hour before, I headed for bed. Then I came out and got my bottle of water because I was thirsty. I must have still been very thirsty. My rx does tend to leave me with a dry mouth.

Boston Marathon Explosion

     It is a very sad turn of events that the Boston Marathon had to explosive incidents at the end of the competition. Popular belief is that they were two terrorist bombs but no one I wants to officially state that yet. My heart and my prayers go out to the people at the Boston Marathon; especially to those who have died or were injured as well as their family and friends affected.

     For the good of my health I watched the news report for a while and then I stepped away. I don't need that amount of stress on me. Just a reminder that no one needs that amount of stress either. Once you've gotten your "fill" of the incident in Boston I recommend you step away from the news reports for a while to calm down. The news stations will be reporting on this all day today. If you walk away and then come back, it will still be there.

     It's incredible what has been happening in Boston today.  The news has been going on all day.  People are talking about it on facebook and google plus.  I admit it has been a tough day for me today.  My muscles started tensing up.  I got a tension headache.  I did my breathing exercises through my diaphram.  I held my husband and we talked about the situation.  He played his xbox game and I scratched his back.  We aren't there in Boston, yet we are keenly aware, and feel anxiety for the people there. 

     By the end of the day today I did have to take a half dose of Xanax.  I tried very hard to avoid taking this dose.  It's been a week almost since I last took it.  I journaled, finger knitted a start at a pot holder, helped a child with homework, and enjoyed my electronic handheld device (it's my addiction like a cigarrette is to a smoker!)

4.14.13

Today I've been feeling better. I'm still getting over having had to take Celexa transition dosages this week. This past weekend it's only been 20 mg Lexapro. No extra anything. So what's the difference? 10 mg of crap.

What were my symptoms? Slight tightness of chest. This morning I woke up with fear and a racing heart. It was momentary. I did calmed down. However, waking up like that sets the day. It makes me wonder about the tightness in my chest. I hadn't had that happen to me since the onset of my anxiety. I had to stop and think "what's going on with ME and my BODY?"

I know I was having issues since I had to start taking the Celexa.

I know that I have 10 mg less medication in my system now since Friday. Friday was the last day I took Celexa.

I last took a Xanax on Wednesday. I'm trying to avoid taking it again for as long as possible. So I ask myself is it a symptom I can overcome? Do I recognize the trigger?

New Hobby 4.14.13

Yesterday I learned a new hobby; finger knitting. My m-i-l learned it by watching tutorials on YouTube. I tried my best yesterday to learn on my own. I finally got it right when she showed me yesterday. She tried to teach her mother, however, she kept wanting to flip the yarn on the pointer finger first instead of the pinky finger. So far I've made two scarves or belt for a child. They sure Wong fit me.

4.13.13

Today I opted not to travel out of town. It's too close to just getting my rx back. I'm home recuperating, resting, and organizing. I did take my dog for a walk today.

I'm so glad I don't have to take Celexa anymore. Just the half dose was making me sick. I'd get a tightness in my chest, it felt like my bust size increased from the pressure. I would massage my chest where it hurt. That feeling was terrible. I kept reminding myself the rx is the trigger. I'm not really dying. This feeling will pass bit would take hours to pass. A pill that causes you harm before you can get better is not a good thing. And yet it was better than GENERIC LEXAPRO.

I already told my pharmacy that I am deathly allergic to the generic.

11:43am. Going through my purse I found a day pill keeper. I found a pill from my previous rx bottle there.

3:17pm. I took a nap some time ago and woke up. Last two days I woke up from a nap with a racing heart rate. It eventually calmed down on its own. It was simply my fear. I calmed down. I was in control again.

9:19pm. Time for beddy-by. I kept wondering why I was feeling symptoms on the left side of my chest. I know it's all part of the anxiety, but it still freaks me out. Is it or isn't it real? Is it related to my BP?

I took 1/2 Lexapro at 6pm today. I will soon take the other half. No Xanax has been taken today.

Overnight 4,12-4.13

Good night. I took my name brand Lexapro earlier tonight after my pm nap. I've been awake for a few hours now. Now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm supposed to travel out of town with family. Lets see what happens.

I'm so happy!

Thanks to Doc and everyone at the clinic I got my name brand rx Lexapro.

THANK YOU LORD GOD. AMEN.

I'm resting and relaxing now that I have a month supply again. To celebrate I got a package of Twizzlers. Pizza for lunch

5:15pm.

I just returned from a walk with my family. It started off with me walking the dog then everyone joining in. At the corner we decided to walk further than usual. We walked about 8 blocks all together instead of just one. I was worried about not having my rx on me and having a panic attack. The one that worries me most is the racing heart rate and trouble breathing. I self regulated myself by breathing from the diaphragm deeply. I put on my holy rosary app and listened to it in the way home.

Earlier, right before the walk, I received a phone call from Doc's secretary(?). She let me know the paper work for my authorization had gone through and was waiting for me at the pharmacy. I thanked her and let her know I already knew and had picked it up. I sent a thank you email to the staff via Ms. J's email.

8:01pm

I'm very happy I was able to avoid needing to take a Xanax today. I realized my trigger and found a self soothing, self regulating activity(see 5:15pm entry).

One day left

Today I awoke and called the health net pharmacy via customer service. Adriana was very helpful. As per usual I was ready with the personal stats they would need to verify me. Adriana told me that the pharmacy did receive the fax sent late yesterday. Since it was marked URGENT they will look at it today. I will have a decision today.

It better better be YES.

In today's pill minder rectangle I have a full dose of Celexa to take. Ugh! The flushing that'll give me! I took the first half today with half my BP rx. That helped. I really shouldn't be feeling any flushing when I take a RX. This is ridiculous.


My Lexapro name brand has been APPROVED!!! Yay!!!

1:13pm  I just called the pharmacy.  Lexapro namebrand is ready for pick up!!  I'M ON MY WAY!


Pick up complete.

Overnight 4.11-4.12

I fell asleep in bed propped up on the pillow. When I woke up I felt strange. I believe it may have been because my head was elevated. After I was up for a while I felt better.
I took my night time rx at 8:30pm. About an hour or two before I was feeling irregular, strange, again after dinner. It was anxiety again. I did activities to try and reduce that feeling.

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : THE BATH:

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : THE WASH:      Try as I might there is no privacy in this camp.  I enter my tenet and close the flap.  While in this perceived privacy I take off my j...


here's another descriptive essay about camp life. my own personal experience was sponge bathing because there was no running water. I always try to conserve water.  Try taking a bath the way the brits did back during ww2.  the water couldn't be any higher than your ankle in the tub!  Try taking an African bath! Do you know we waste 100's of gallons of water taking a long shower? We have to change the way we treat water and the earth.

Two days left

Today I woke up and took 1/2 BP pill. Next thing I know I'm napping. Hubby wakes me up to remind me to call Doc. I called the office and left a message with my case mgrs. office partner. He will get the message to Doc to call Health Net.

I'm about to take 1/2 BP again followed by 1/4 celexa. That dose will be followed up again with the 2nd 1/4 dose.

I had minimal flushing. I think that's in part to the Xanax I took at 2:30am.

3:51pm.
I called health net to see if there was an update to the situation. Doc has yet to call the pharmacy. The customer service agent with the LONG foreign name said he called the pharmacy and they told him she had not yet responded. I will be seeing Doc today. During my appt. the time will be made to assure my authorization of Lexapro name brand.

To keep busy today I have walked my dog 3xs. I home schooled a child. I wrote more fiction for MY CRAPPY NOVEL. I haven't updated that blog yet. I always write it in a notebook first and then transfer it to the blog. I'm old school that way.

6:06pm.
I have been back home for 20 minutes now. I arrived at the clinic and a let them know at the front desk. They had me sit in the waiting area. Doc saw me as she passed by and stated she hadn't called yet. For me that's ok because thats what this appt. is for.

The previous client left. I entered and waited for Doc. She came in and did some preliminaries before getting to my health net phone call. After looking for and finding the health net pharmacy no. she calls them. It turns out there was a line she missed. All she had to do was fill it in, put URGENT at the top and fax it in. Then it will be evaluated. She apologized to me. I simply sat there and said, "that's alright, these things happen." "Yes they do", she replied.

During the phone call while on hold she asked me how soon after I run out of medication do I de-compensate. "Go crazy". I was surprised she used that old layman's term. I replied, "pretty quickly. A few days." She relayed the information to the pharmacist.

When the call was over Doc sent the paper work over to her secretary to fax it to the health net pharmacy. Upon her return I thanked her for everything and said i would now go and bother H. N. I went to the front desk and waited for the fax to be confirmed. The first one did kit take. The secretary sent it a second time. This time a confirmation was printed out by the fax machine. I waited a few minutes and called H. N. they said to call back at 8am after they've had a chance to process the faxes.

I wanted to add that the ride to the clinic and back was anxious for me.

Overnight

I woke up at 1:40am. I was having issues. I turned to writing again to sooth myself. Nothing. I turned on the rosary in my iPod. I fell back to sleep with it. Unfortunately I woke up 4 decades later with a racing heart. I was having trouble focusing on the Rx labels on the bottles. I picked up one bottle...not the right Rx. Next bottle wrong medicine. Third bottle... Oops that's the first bottle. Where is my Rx? I'm beginning to worry. My heart starts racing a bit faster. Two bottles later I find the right Rx. I read the bottle: Xanax. I open the bottle and take out a half pill.

I take .5 Xanax. My heart is racing. Soon after I return to the bedroom to try to relax again. That's why I'm blogging at 2:40 am. I had started writing a new section for my crappy novel. When I started feeling sleepy, however, I decided to lay on bed and blog instead.

Good night. 2:43am.

GOOD MORNING.

I was able to fall asleep eventually.  I slept through the night without anymore incident.

Telemarketer

I'm tired if telemarketers. Someone sold my number again and put a fake name on it. A man with a thick accent just called me to sell me health insurance. I'm not interested. I told him. Especially from an outsourced telemarketer.

3:05pm just avoided a call from another telemarketer for health insurance. (417)
Area code!

Taking my rx today

This morning I woke up at 7:30am. I got up at 8:30am and took the dog for a walk. Why did I wake up late? I'm still adjusting to the transition rx. I returned from walking the dog and made myself breakfast. So far in have taken half dose of my blood pressure pill.


It's 12:12pm. I just called my dr. She's not in today. The secretary will get back to me after her lunch. Time for plan B. where is the dr.?

12:45pm. I'm wary if taking my 1/2 dose celexa again. I'm thinking celexa then BP pill. I believe I did that before. 30 mind apart.

1:56pm.  The dr.'s secretary is back from lunch.  She stated that Doc got the paper work from Health Net and filled it out.  Then she faxed it over to health net last night. I called Health Net just now.  They did receive the paperwork.  They did not receive a prior authorization? Or did they? I couldn't understand Ben in that sentence.   But the pharmacy had questions for Doc. So it will be another 24 hours.

3:07pm. An hour ago I had a soup and took my 1/2 BP pill. 30 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. 10 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. Only minimal flushing then. Yup. Gonna have to pair it with my BP rx. It helped that I was talking to my friend E.


It's 7:50pm.  I'm feeling more flushing since 30 minutes ago.  I don't know why.  The Celexa has gone through my system by now....though it hasn't left me yet.  The Lexapro on the other hand is leaving my system and I am due for another dose.  I just took half the Lexapro dosage and will take the other half later tonight as I usually do. 

Symptoms I'm feeling.

1.  slight headache (this is new)
2. trembling fingers from anxiety (i know this is a symptom of my trigger.)
3. slight shallow breathing (i purposely take deep breaths to compensate) 
4. slight chest pain
5. light headedness

Is it time for the xanax yet? Apparently writing this down is giving me more issues as well. 

I haven't written fiction or drawn at all today.  I've been on my handheld all day. BAD Mami. Bad... I feel the half Lexapro dose working.  I just need to remember to relax.  Later tonight, when I'm better, I will blog again. 


10:55pm. I just awoke from a nap. I want to go back to sleep. I took out my new composition book and started writing fiction again. This one describes hygiene in the wilderness. I like this better. It helped calm me down too.

MY HEALTH

As I stated in my previous blog entry I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks.  I take a medication which just RECENTLY allowed a generic to be made.  Unfortunately that generic does not work for me at all.  It actually left me WORSE than my original condition had!!! I have a journal which I kept citing all the symptons, tears, agonies, heartaches, etc. that I went through since that medication went generic last year. 

Lexapro generic IS NOT Lexapro NAMEBRAND.  Right now I'm fighting to get back my right to have LEXAPRO NAMEBRAND.  I only have enough medication until Friday.  Friday night if this situation is not fixed by then I will have taken my last pill that night.  The next night I will have to take Celexa generic.  Yes I know about transitioning medications.  I'm already doing it.  Celexa SUCKS! just as well.

This afternoon I took half dose of Celexa.  It left me VERY FLUSHED. I didn't feel better until I had a bowel movement.  I am taking to heart what my dear younger sister said to me tonight.  $150 is a worthwhile investment in myself for the namebrand medication. 

When I started this nightmare last year...NIGHTMARE!!!

When I started my nightmare through mental health last year I went through SEVERE SYMPTOMS.

1. FLUSHING
2. HEART PALPITATIONS
3. SUPER TACHY HEART RACING
4. TIGHTNESS OF CHEST
5. DIZZINESS
6. LIGHTHEADEDNESS
7. FEELING OF IMPENDING DOOM
8. EMOTIONAL IMBALANCE

I found myself not wanting to die but wishing for death just the same for all the PHYSICAL AILMENTS placed upon me by the generic lexapro!  I am still recuperating from those physical symptoms.  Now I have to deal with a countdown.

So, here goes.  As of today I have until Friday night to get my prescription in order with medi-cal and health net. I have four more pills left.

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!:      I was in town, minding my own business when the big thumb of the government was pressed down on  me! :( :) :( .  It was the coldest d...
i'm writing this crapy novel as therapy for my condition. 






i started writing it in a comp book which i paid 50cents for at dollar tree. now i'm editing it and posting. 

When I started writing the first entry into the composition notebook I started having low grade anxiety. How come?  Well, first I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  Second, when I started writing the scenario out I actually was processingt the situation.  So my brain started processing a make believe scenario that requires a fight or flight reaction.  There was no REAL situation, I got stuck with the flight reaction.  I actually cut my intro short because of it and skipped right into day two.