Knitting for income

I have no idea if it will work... Knitting for income... But I like knitting. It's relaxing and I can do it at home. Currently I can knit beanie hats and scarves. I can sell them on ebay. 

I've written up notes in a journal. From what I can do to how I can promote it. Even where and how much I can buy the yarn. I already went to eBay to register. And I did. Knit Knax and Hobbies preceded by a proper noun.

If I could sell 50 items... Let alone make them I could make more than unemployment gives me now. It would still be in the poverty line, but it would be double what I'm getting now. SAD! Could I sell 50 items/month? I'd have to focus on college/university and pro athletic leagues. 

Xanax weekend

This past weekend with the family reunion I ended up having to take .5(2) Xanax a day apart. Doctors don't want their patients taking it back go back because its addicting. I, myself, have been trying to get off it permanently since my nightmare began. I take my prescriptions as my doctors tell me. So, why did I take one Saturday morning and then again Sunday to Monday morning? Two words...anxiety, exhaustion. Saturday morn I took a half dose to ease my panic and anxiety of going to the OC. I had lifeguard duty and then I got tired. The next day we were at the hotel in T. There, again, I had lifeguard duty by myself until I was too tired to continue. My lifeguard duties were interactive, in the pool, both days. 

Sunday night it was very VERY difficult for me to relax and go up sleep. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep they sprung open with a bit of anxiety. I recognized it from before. EXHAUSTION. Exhaustion to the point of being awake with a sleeping breathing pattern(scary!). Exhaustion to the point that your heart begins to race for lack of....   What, breath? Blood pressure? Oxygen? It had me in a frenzy at 1:00 am Monday. (Monday was my day to host the family. 

When I took the .5 Xanax everything evened out. My heart rate, my breathing, my mind...everything evened out. 

Disability

I tried to apt for disability because I feel I can't get out if the house and work anymore. My case manager told me I had a hard case against me because if my education. Should I meet with the doctor to see if I qualify for disability it was advised, without lying, that I should disclose everything I haven't yet discussed with my team. My therapist wants to discuss this further. So do I. 

Park day and the hospital

Yesterday I hosted park day in town. My two older relatives and their respective families came over. My in-laws came. The dog came, as well. Then ones who could not come we're my parents who had to go see my aunt and my younger relative and family as well. My relative had to take our parents to the hospital. But FIRST there was a forgotten appt for a parent. Ironically it was for Alzheimer's. luckily the parent's result was negative for Alzheimer's. My poor relative's dependents. They didn't even get a chance to enjoy their swim lesson yesterday. One really needed it because of the near drowning a few days ago. That happened after I ended my shift as lifeguard. 

On a brighter side all the dependents if each branch enjoyed themselves. The middle dependent of my older relative got stuck atop the monkey-bars. My two eldest relatives were called to get the dependent down. D had fun crawling across the top of the monkey-bars, giggling, but then became scared, and only squeaked out noises. 

We were at the park until 7pm. I notified all parties not yet at the park 7pm was quitting time. That way they couldn't say they got there but no one was there. 

Hotel family reunion

Yesterday we had a family reunion and a local hotel. We were enjoying ourselves. We swam in the pool. I was the lifeguard in the pool, again. I am very tired! I had to take .5 Xanax at 1 AM in the morning this past morning. I was having trouble going to sleep and my heart started racing and I was  anxious and nervous. Okay let's face it I was over exhausted and my body needed balancing out. 

My menstrual cycle finished today. 

As the evening came on my cousin called. My cousin who said he was out of the country and just arrived yesterday and phoned us today that our aunt was in the hospital that she had been attend there for 4 or 5 days. She is 81 or 82 years old. My cousin said that she has been hallucinating and possibly suffering from septicemia. Now he says the doctor says that a decision has to be made. My aunts signed papers giving my cousin the power of attorney however, he has been out of the country all this time. This put a damper on the festivities yesterday. 

Two years ago her sister died from a fire. i passed my phone to my dad so that he could talk to my cousin. Today my cousin called again to let us know that my aunt was doing worse today than yesterday. Today we are hosting part day but my parents my relative and my relatives children are going to visit my aunt in the hospital there going to try to take care the situation in the morning. To get together was supposed to be for 2 PM it is difficult to see if anyone is coming today to the family get together since my hand is in declining health at the hospital Mayari relative states that she is not in the mood for a car birthdays or anything and that sort. I asked my relative to take me out the thread...to start a new thread where they're updating Without me in the new. I and my nerves would not be able to handle all the updates on my aunt as I am without company here at the park except for my relation and my dependent. My relative has done that; has started a new thread. The updates are being kept on that thread I have no knowledge of what is going on. Sometimes I wish I knew, but I know it's better if you gave me the information in person with someone next to me. That's what my nerves can handle. 

It is now 2:18 PM. My nuclear family is the only one that is here we did bring our dog.  My parents, my relative, my relative's dependents are still at the hospital. My cousins have not arrived.  my other relative and  dependents have not arrived. My other relative and family has not arrived either.   

I will update on this topic later tonight. Peace and love. Amen 

Therapy day

This week I had my group therapy and one-on-one on the same day. I really needed that as well. I'm having a group reunion. I'm seeing a relative I haven't seen in years. I have mixed feelings because of previous family issues. Recently this relative was also having health issues due to age and weight. This relative wouldn't respond to my messages, texts or status posts. 

Also, this relative saw friends on the way down. Fine by me, but I have history there also with my relative the other relative and the friends. So I wasn't happy to think about the friends and my two relatives commiserating together against me.  Eventually I told my mother I didn't want any issues with anyone there. 

.5 Xanax

IYesterday at 2 am I was startled awake from anxiety. Previously I was worrying the past few days that what happened before would happen again. I've avoided things that I did the day of that attack. 

The day of the attack I watched some videos on the Great Depression and two documentary reality shows called MINERS HOUSE. So as much as I want to see those clips again I haven't. That's just one example. Fruit loops is a food I haven't eaten with milk as well. Yes I had it as a snack before bed. I did many times before. I mentioned my situation in group last week. Unfortunately I was not able to have a one on one with my therapist. My therapist is going through a family emergency, as well. Appointments last week have had to be rescheduled. 

Paramedics

 We have new neighbors. They moved in a few days ago. They are still moving in furniture. Today there was an accident next door. I heard a child cry. My m-i-l heard an adult cry out. Next thing we know the paramedics and long ladder truck are next door. They were followed up later with an ambulance. 

A parent was sent by ambulance to the ER. shoeless. Still it looks like the right hand was injured. The person also had a I've connected. Go figure. 

Late afternoon their children are in the backyard playing screaming and splashing. In the house the toddler is crying. Back to normal fit them. Glad parent was able to come home relatively quickly.