Universal life church

Yesterday my R became an ordained minister online! Really the Jedi  Master was the chosen one. Apparently You dont need to sign up for that one. So, now, weddings, funerals and baptisms can be performed. R never took a class! 

Improving my situation

Today I noticed how repetitive rote motion caused me to hyperventilate. It caused me anxiety leading to onset of a panic attack. I took an Ativan. When I got home I took another one. My dose for the day. It's for that reason I try to sparse out my dosage. Today I decided to take it at the onset of severe panic attack. I'm feeling  better because of that decision. I will see how tonight goes. I usually worry that the dosage wears off early.

I did walk a mile with my family. That should help  keeping calm. In fact I considered walking the dog when I got home. I ended up napping instead. 

Panic at home

It's tax day. The tax man cometh. We haven't done it yet. Gonna file our taxes ourselves for free. Really not much to declare except the retirement cashed out and he taxes paid on it. 

I helped the teacher in class. Ten relation and I went to the store to buy groceries. We been on edge lately. I'm not happy with R's classy ways. Told me to put the bags away. I rolled my eyes. R got pissy and told me to just go sit in the car. This past week I didn't get any help nor ask any help from R. in regards to shopping. R would rather nap or play video games. So the last few days I've been getting crap about where the money went. How did we spend it so fast? R. just keeps making snide remarks like it's funny or irrelevant. Shot!  no-do. Love my auto correct. Try to curse and it has censored me! 

Anyway moving on. Now to do taxes. "What income?" Says R. My retirement that was cashed out. R originally didn't honk we had o do taxes. Now R wants to do taxes. I've been wanting to do them all along. 

Now at home I ate honey chicken bite jerky at almonds. Then I ha a Major anxiety attack. I stated it out loud as my relations all kept saying crap today. "Your taxes." "The uniform." "The money." KMFA. So R's relative says too many things for you to do today. Which I reaffirm, "yes, I do have too many things to do today.!"  I took 1.0 mg Ativan. I was hyper ventilating. That was my physical symptom of panic. I could feel my lungs restricting. I couldn't focus. Something R kept saying to me in a certain mood. It was the truth. I couldn't focus because I wasn't breathing well. 

But my biggest complaint is the judgement from everyone. My relation. R's relative. Our dependent! "Do I have to take a bath today? Why didn't you make me take one yesterday? Hmmm?" Just like R. 

Never fails SHOT! dropped us off. Took money from my wallet ("I don't need it.") and left to buy chew. R's relations can pay for that shot! R has the car. I'm outside waiting until it's time to start. Thirsty. 

Anxiety

I'm suffering anxiety today. Symptoms? Stemming from rapid heart. Took an Ativan .5 mg. waiting it out before I take .5 mg again. This all started yesterday when I took mini me to Michael's to get resources for social studies project. Well my dependent was a snot and raised my BP there. I ended up laying down to nap and lower my BP at home. D apologized to me. I emailed my relation. Told R next time R MUST COME. No excuses. R is the co-parent and has responsibilities. Talked at home about it too. 

Typing this out feels good. Felt better.

 

I think the project is casing me anxiety. It's not even my project!   

It took an hour to feel settled. At park now. Paid rent. No money left. 

Social studies project

http://www.native-languages.org/breechcloth.htm 

My version of the breech cloth. Studying the Miwok tribe. Of course I wouldn't step out like this in real life or do anything or say anything to insult my Native American cousins. However, when we saw the directions of how they made breech cloth with a belt and cloth I had to try it out to understand it.  Obviously I wasn't in a position to go out and get the raw materials to make a breech cloth, so I used what I had in my closet instead.  This is my long Fall scarf used as a loincloth. My star spangled scarf is used as a belt. The Fall scarf is so long it fits around my Very Large frame as a sarong. Lol. Must lose weight. 

Doctor visit

Went to the doctor. I saw a new dr. The previous one is going on family leave. Congrats dr. and family. The new dr made same mistake as another sub dr. b4. Prescribed verapamil sr not er. Crap! Fortunately, my Rx had been called in b4. It was accepted and went in byy clinics pharmacy in original form. They pulled that one out of the file and filled it. Now to call the office again. 

Easter/Passover

Enjoy your holiday. Happy Easter. Happy Passover. God bless you all. 

Appointment day/ Us Time

     Today my relation saw the dr., cnp, cde. So far do good. It is type II diabetes. We will be doing a family movement to lose weight. Only one in the house that's skinny is mini me. Even the pet is fat! 

     I drove us to and from the appointment in the next town. We got home I ate breakfast (Special K). I started hyperventilating. Eventually I took all my meds early today. FUN! I took a nap with the pet and relation next to me. I used broken puppy as my pillow comfort. 

     Eventually our pet left the room. We aimed for Us time. The pet came back into the room and just looked at us as if to say, "can I join you? Can I come up? Pick me up please."  That last look came when it stood on it's hind legs and looked at us. It was sent out of the room. This time, the door was closed completely. Our Us time complete. 

During Us time we made jokes about a phrase stated repeatedly years ago when mini me was little. "Don't be making any babies in there!" Yes we got that a lot!