Improving my situation

Today I noticed how repetitive rote motion caused me to hyperventilate. It caused me anxiety leading to onset of a panic attack. I took an Ativan. When I got home I took another one. My dose for the day. It's for that reason I try to sparse out my dosage. Today I decided to take it at the onset of severe panic attack. I'm feeling  better because of that decision. I will see how tonight goes. I usually worry that the dosage wears off early.

I did walk a mile with my family. That should help  keeping calm. In fact I considered walking the dog when I got home. I ended up napping instead. 

My health

Today I went six days without taking a Xanax. I just took .5 Xanax. In slowly spacing out my intake if them. After the surgery it was three days apart, then four days apart twice, then five days apart. Now I'm at six says apart. This is the first six day. Then six days later it will be six days apart again. Then next time it should be seven days apart.
I just took a needed nap after the Xanax. I woke up, had dinner and am doing better.

This intake has made me think to wait a bit longer, I just wasn't up to feeling the full on panic attack I usually wait for. It had symptoms if being a painful one.

I'm so happy!

Thanks to Doc and everyone at the clinic I got my name brand rx Lexapro.

THANK YOU LORD GOD. AMEN.

I'm resting and relaxing now that I have a month supply again. To celebrate I got a package of Twizzlers. Pizza for lunch

5:15pm.

I just returned from a walk with my family. It started off with me walking the dog then everyone joining in. At the corner we decided to walk further than usual. We walked about 8 blocks all together instead of just one. I was worried about not having my rx on me and having a panic attack. The one that worries me most is the racing heart rate and trouble breathing. I self regulated myself by breathing from the diaphragm deeply. I put on my holy rosary app and listened to it in the way home.

Earlier, right before the walk, I received a phone call from Doc's secretary(?). She let me know the paper work for my authorization had gone through and was waiting for me at the pharmacy. I thanked her and let her know I already knew and had picked it up. I sent a thank you email to the staff via Ms. J's email.

8:01pm

I'm very happy I was able to avoid needing to take a Xanax today. I realized my trigger and found a self soothing, self regulating activity(see 5:15pm entry).

Two days left

Today I woke up and took 1/2 BP pill. Next thing I know I'm napping. Hubby wakes me up to remind me to call Doc. I called the office and left a message with my case mgrs. office partner. He will get the message to Doc to call Health Net.

I'm about to take 1/2 BP again followed by 1/4 celexa. That dose will be followed up again with the 2nd 1/4 dose.

I had minimal flushing. I think that's in part to the Xanax I took at 2:30am.

3:51pm.
I called health net to see if there was an update to the situation. Doc has yet to call the pharmacy. The customer service agent with the LONG foreign name said he called the pharmacy and they told him she had not yet responded. I will be seeing Doc today. During my appt. the time will be made to assure my authorization of Lexapro name brand.

To keep busy today I have walked my dog 3xs. I home schooled a child. I wrote more fiction for MY CRAPPY NOVEL. I haven't updated that blog yet. I always write it in a notebook first and then transfer it to the blog. I'm old school that way.

6:06pm.
I have been back home for 20 minutes now. I arrived at the clinic and a let them know at the front desk. They had me sit in the waiting area. Doc saw me as she passed by and stated she hadn't called yet. For me that's ok because thats what this appt. is for.

The previous client left. I entered and waited for Doc. She came in and did some preliminaries before getting to my health net phone call. After looking for and finding the health net pharmacy no. she calls them. It turns out there was a line she missed. All she had to do was fill it in, put URGENT at the top and fax it in. Then it will be evaluated. She apologized to me. I simply sat there and said, "that's alright, these things happen." "Yes they do", she replied.

During the phone call while on hold she asked me how soon after I run out of medication do I de-compensate. "Go crazy". I was surprised she used that old layman's term. I replied, "pretty quickly. A few days." She relayed the information to the pharmacist.

When the call was over Doc sent the paper work over to her secretary to fax it to the health net pharmacy. Upon her return I thanked her for everything and said i would now go and bother H. N. I went to the front desk and waited for the fax to be confirmed. The first one did kit take. The secretary sent it a second time. This time a confirmation was printed out by the fax machine. I waited a few minutes and called H. N. they said to call back at 8am after they've had a chance to process the faxes.

I wanted to add that the ride to the clinic and back was anxious for me.

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!:      I was in town, minding my own business when the big thumb of the government was pressed down on  me! :( :) :( .  It was the coldest d...
i'm writing this crapy novel as therapy for my condition. 






i started writing it in a comp book which i paid 50cents for at dollar tree. now i'm editing it and posting. 

When I started writing the first entry into the composition notebook I started having low grade anxiety. How come?  Well, first I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  Second, when I started writing the scenario out I actually was processingt the situation.  So my brain started processing a make believe scenario that requires a fight or flight reaction.  There was no REAL situation, I got stuck with the flight reaction.  I actually cut my intro short because of it and skipped right into day two.