Anxiety

I'm suffering anxiety right now. 10:22pm. It's been a week coming. Though it felt like two weeks. What's different. Walking a mine a day. My therapist left last week. I haven't fad my BP checked regularly as my doc requested. MY MONEY RAN OUT! Family get together this Sunday and relation is being an ass about it. Dependent's iep meeting yesterday. A lot of many different stressful things I used to just handle but now can't, apparently. 

My main symptom: faster heart rate, hyperventilation, acid indigestion line feeling, feeling of heart beat slightly pounding(like a BP issue). 

So today I took in total the following 30mg Lexapro, 1mg Xanax all my BP pills. 

Side Effects of BP Medication

It's been a week since I've had to take a Xanax. I'm very happy about that. I saw a new doctor yesterday when I got the flu shot. I talked so much about my mess we alarmist forgot my flu shot.

My BP was 126/74. I was happy because I didn't take anything extra to keep me calm. I only took my BP Rxs. I spoke to the practitioner about my mess and the side effects of my new BP pill. Dry mouth, dry tongue, dry skin, constipation and stomach cramps. So I showed the practitioner my tongue to better determine the side effects I'm going through.

My tongue is cracked in certain parts. There's a thin layer of liquid on it as well. The tip has black spots popping out. At what point so I stop taking this Rx? It has made me feel better, though. I told the practitioner this. The practitioner gave me a Rx for the constipation (use as needed), a Rx for special lotion,

My weight didn't go up. :-))). However, it didn't go down either. :-(. I need to lose weight!!!

The one thing I changed today to improve my health is I switched out my reusable water bottle. I went from having an 8oz sports bottle to a three cup reusable 7-11 chiller cup. I already drank 3 cups. My tongue looks better.  The black spots went away. The cracks are less separated. I'll post a pic at the bottom.

Here are pictures of before and during.  

Before the change in cups 

Day of cup change. 

Family Member Needs Help

I woke up this morning to a family member shaking. I prepared this person a breathing treatment. This person kept having to pee nervous drops of pee until a BM finally occurred.

Hugs helped this person as well.
This person is asking for another breathing treatment. Heart rate has gone up. This person has anxiety, but no rx to calm down.

Took a walk around the backyard with this person. Our dog followed us, barking and chasing the ball tossed at him.

This person is now drawing the family. Still learning to draw so stick figures it is.

This person now feels better one hour later. 11:04am.

It came in cycles today. This person needs to see the doctor about the whole situation.
Breathing treatments, Tylenol, allergy med., etc… walks to take the edge off. Drawing, reading, and writing.

This person finally took the allergy medicine and went to bed early.

I'm so happy!

Thanks to Doc and everyone at the clinic I got my name brand rx Lexapro.

THANK YOU LORD GOD. AMEN.

I'm resting and relaxing now that I have a month supply again. To celebrate I got a package of Twizzlers. Pizza for lunch

5:15pm.

I just returned from a walk with my family. It started off with me walking the dog then everyone joining in. At the corner we decided to walk further than usual. We walked about 8 blocks all together instead of just one. I was worried about not having my rx on me and having a panic attack. The one that worries me most is the racing heart rate and trouble breathing. I self regulated myself by breathing from the diaphragm deeply. I put on my holy rosary app and listened to it in the way home.

Earlier, right before the walk, I received a phone call from Doc's secretary(?). She let me know the paper work for my authorization had gone through and was waiting for me at the pharmacy. I thanked her and let her know I already knew and had picked it up. I sent a thank you email to the staff via Ms. J's email.

8:01pm

I'm very happy I was able to avoid needing to take a Xanax today. I realized my trigger and found a self soothing, self regulating activity(see 5:15pm entry).

One day left

Today I awoke and called the health net pharmacy via customer service. Adriana was very helpful. As per usual I was ready with the personal stats they would need to verify me. Adriana told me that the pharmacy did receive the fax sent late yesterday. Since it was marked URGENT they will look at it today. I will have a decision today.

It better better be YES.

In today's pill minder rectangle I have a full dose of Celexa to take. Ugh! The flushing that'll give me! I took the first half today with half my BP rx. That helped. I really shouldn't be feeling any flushing when I take a RX. This is ridiculous.


My Lexapro name brand has been APPROVED!!! Yay!!!

1:13pm  I just called the pharmacy.  Lexapro namebrand is ready for pick up!!  I'M ON MY WAY!


Pick up complete.

Two days left

Today I woke up and took 1/2 BP pill. Next thing I know I'm napping. Hubby wakes me up to remind me to call Doc. I called the office and left a message with my case mgrs. office partner. He will get the message to Doc to call Health Net.

I'm about to take 1/2 BP again followed by 1/4 celexa. That dose will be followed up again with the 2nd 1/4 dose.

I had minimal flushing. I think that's in part to the Xanax I took at 2:30am.

3:51pm.
I called health net to see if there was an update to the situation. Doc has yet to call the pharmacy. The customer service agent with the LONG foreign name said he called the pharmacy and they told him she had not yet responded. I will be seeing Doc today. During my appt. the time will be made to assure my authorization of Lexapro name brand.

To keep busy today I have walked my dog 3xs. I home schooled a child. I wrote more fiction for MY CRAPPY NOVEL. I haven't updated that blog yet. I always write it in a notebook first and then transfer it to the blog. I'm old school that way.

6:06pm.
I have been back home for 20 minutes now. I arrived at the clinic and a let them know at the front desk. They had me sit in the waiting area. Doc saw me as she passed by and stated she hadn't called yet. For me that's ok because thats what this appt. is for.

The previous client left. I entered and waited for Doc. She came in and did some preliminaries before getting to my health net phone call. After looking for and finding the health net pharmacy no. she calls them. It turns out there was a line she missed. All she had to do was fill it in, put URGENT at the top and fax it in. Then it will be evaluated. She apologized to me. I simply sat there and said, "that's alright, these things happen." "Yes they do", she replied.

During the phone call while on hold she asked me how soon after I run out of medication do I de-compensate. "Go crazy". I was surprised she used that old layman's term. I replied, "pretty quickly. A few days." She relayed the information to the pharmacist.

When the call was over Doc sent the paper work over to her secretary to fax it to the health net pharmacy. Upon her return I thanked her for everything and said i would now go and bother H. N. I went to the front desk and waited for the fax to be confirmed. The first one did kit take. The secretary sent it a second time. This time a confirmation was printed out by the fax machine. I waited a few minutes and called H. N. they said to call back at 8am after they've had a chance to process the faxes.

I wanted to add that the ride to the clinic and back was anxious for me.

Taking my rx today

This morning I woke up at 7:30am. I got up at 8:30am and took the dog for a walk. Why did I wake up late? I'm still adjusting to the transition rx. I returned from walking the dog and made myself breakfast. So far in have taken half dose of my blood pressure pill.


It's 12:12pm. I just called my dr. She's not in today. The secretary will get back to me after her lunch. Time for plan B. where is the dr.?

12:45pm. I'm wary if taking my 1/2 dose celexa again. I'm thinking celexa then BP pill. I believe I did that before. 30 mind apart.

1:56pm.  The dr.'s secretary is back from lunch.  She stated that Doc got the paper work from Health Net and filled it out.  Then she faxed it over to health net last night. I called Health Net just now.  They did receive the paperwork.  They did not receive a prior authorization? Or did they? I couldn't understand Ben in that sentence.   But the pharmacy had questions for Doc. So it will be another 24 hours.

3:07pm. An hour ago I had a soup and took my 1/2 BP pill. 30 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. 10 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. Only minimal flushing then. Yup. Gonna have to pair it with my BP rx. It helped that I was talking to my friend E.


It's 7:50pm.  I'm feeling more flushing since 30 minutes ago.  I don't know why.  The Celexa has gone through my system by now....though it hasn't left me yet.  The Lexapro on the other hand is leaving my system and I am due for another dose.  I just took half the Lexapro dosage and will take the other half later tonight as I usually do. 

Symptoms I'm feeling.

1.  slight headache (this is new)
2. trembling fingers from anxiety (i know this is a symptom of my trigger.)
3. slight shallow breathing (i purposely take deep breaths to compensate) 
4. slight chest pain
5. light headedness

Is it time for the xanax yet? Apparently writing this down is giving me more issues as well. 

I haven't written fiction or drawn at all today.  I've been on my handheld all day. BAD Mami. Bad... I feel the half Lexapro dose working.  I just need to remember to relax.  Later tonight, when I'm better, I will blog again. 


10:55pm. I just awoke from a nap. I want to go back to sleep. I took out my new composition book and started writing fiction again. This one describes hygiene in the wilderness. I like this better. It helped calm me down too.

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!:      I was in town, minding my own business when the big thumb of the government was pressed down on  me! :( :) :( .  It was the coldest d...
i'm writing this crapy novel as therapy for my condition. 






i started writing it in a comp book which i paid 50cents for at dollar tree. now i'm editing it and posting. 

When I started writing the first entry into the composition notebook I started having low grade anxiety. How come?  Well, first I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  Second, when I started writing the scenario out I actually was processingt the situation.  So my brain started processing a make believe scenario that requires a fight or flight reaction.  There was no REAL situation, I got stuck with the flight reaction.  I actually cut my intro short because of it and skipped right into day two.