Started off well...ended badly!

1. Took care of business

2. Drove to destination

3. Drove to job club

4. Checked out of job club

5. Lost keys at job club 

6. Doctors office giving me run around

7. Case manager busy

8. Director busy

9. Wrong Doctor! Not my reg Doctor. Substitute Doctor. 

10. Doctor was there yesterday! 

11. Case manager never looked at my file! 

BULLSHIT! Two days without my medication for anxiety panic disorder. Negligence! 

Doctor visit

Went to the doctor. I saw a new dr. The previous one is going on family leave. Congrats dr. and family. The new dr made same mistake as another sub dr. b4. Prescribed verapamil sr not er. Crap! Fortunately, my Rx had been called in b4. It was accepted and went in byy clinics pharmacy in original form. They pulled that one out of the file and filled it. Now to call the office again. 

Calling dr f. Where are you?

It's hard to know which clinic dr f is at during the week. I only know dr f is at my clinic on Fridays ONLY.   The pharmacy has been trying to reach F Because the quantity was not written on the Rx tablet, AGAIN. so the past week it's been a game of trying to locate dr f. I just called my clinic. the secretary went home for the day at both places. My case manager is now tying to contact dr f.  

Clinic highs and lows

The clinic changed my Rx back to extended release. The p. a. hadn't told me it would be rapid release and to take it twice a day at separate times. No. I end up having severe heart palpitations that require Xanax. Tomorrow I will be back on extended release. 

The clinic was SOO HOT IT WAS A SAUNA. I changed myself out into a gown. Staff kept wondering why I was in a gown: pap? Breast exam? What? Just see me before I pass out from heat exhaustion or BP explosion! Geeze ppl!  

My sibling and family coming to pick up 5 year service pin from scouts. Will show greater Los Angeles pin I got for my dependent in case it helps in the uniform test. 

Not driving

I purposely DID NOT DRIVE while I had to take the anti-inflammatory and pain killer. There was a lot of napping. So Relation had driving duty again. Saw medical staff this week cuz I was still in pain. They took me off pain killer and put me on Tylenol extra strength for arthritis! ;-).

New dosage starts today.

Today my Lexapro dosage drops 10mg again. I continue .5 Xanax daily. Next week I'll see the dr. to see @ new Rx. 

My Rx change

I saw my team. Dr. F. Is taking me off lexapro over a two week period. At the same time I am now taking Xanax on a daily basis. I am also to check my BP once a week. And see if my current BP Rx is correct or too high. 

G. saw my dependent today. We learned that D. gets nervous taking math tests. D. begins to have a case of the itchies and scratches. This doesn't allow D. to finish the test. Same thing happened with AR quizzes in 1st grade. 

-----------------------------

P.S. 

The change in Rx ha me sleepy last nght. Whoo. 

Side Effects of BP Medication

It's been a week since I've had to take a Xanax. I'm very happy about that. I saw a new doctor yesterday when I got the flu shot. I talked so much about my mess we alarmist forgot my flu shot.

My BP was 126/74. I was happy because I didn't take anything extra to keep me calm. I only took my BP Rxs. I spoke to the practitioner about my mess and the side effects of my new BP pill. Dry mouth, dry tongue, dry skin, constipation and stomach cramps. So I showed the practitioner my tongue to better determine the side effects I'm going through.

My tongue is cracked in certain parts. There's a thin layer of liquid on it as well. The tip has black spots popping out. At what point so I stop taking this Rx? It has made me feel better, though. I told the practitioner this. The practitioner gave me a Rx for the constipation (use as needed), a Rx for special lotion,

My weight didn't go up. :-))). However, it didn't go down either. :-(. I need to lose weight!!!

The one thing I changed today to improve my health is I switched out my reusable water bottle. I went from having an 8oz sports bottle to a three cup reusable 7-11 chiller cup. I already drank 3 cups. My tongue looks better.  The black spots went away. The cracks are less separated. I'll post a pic at the bottom.

Here are pictures of before and during.  

Before the change in cups 

Day of cup change. 

My hiatus

There's a reason why I didn't post for close to a trimester. The teacher! Hate the teacher. Asked to have my dependent moved principal said no and gave a reason. Had an SST then everyone jumps in the homeschooling. Just throw my dependent away! 

I discovered the teacher is anal about student performance. Teacher expects everyone to do the same work all the time. This is third grade. You can do that in middle school or high school. Lower grade still requires creativity. Oh and btw did the teacher actually MODEL te performance? Probably not to the extent wanted. 

This teacher pissed me off so bad my BP rose to 168/98!  Mi now take a new 2nd BP pill. Bitchy bastard. 

In the meantime I started volunteering at te school library. The librarian is a wonderful person. Positive. The librarian was in great need of help when I asked to volunteer. The pm librarian was outon  sick leave. The books were piled up. The computer kept freezing up. And yet the principal still required the books be loaned out to the students so they could pass their AR QUIZZES. My job was to write the personal data of every return and out going of books. The librarians job was to get the computer fixed!  

Once the computer was fixed it became easy to borrow and return books; except for the occasional freeze up that would reoccur later!  

When the computer was fixed, the software FINALLY updated and a data padd added the librarian discovered a few students still owed books to the school. It all got straightened out. 

And here I leave you with this incomplete post. Gotta go. 

4.22.13

Well I found out ASIT has a knitting class today. I missed the 1/3 last week. Today is 2/3 and next week is 3/3 class. Did not go since hubby had tension headache.

Hubby has had a tension headache since last night. He's rested most of the day. This affected me after 3pm. I had to tutor a child with homework. This child didn't want to do it. Child asked for a third slice of cheese... No more cheese, focus. Gogurt is available. Too much cheese causes constipation. Child started writing silly sentences in spelling. Spelling words this week are homonyms. Here are two dilly sentences written...

1. I sighed at my side juice.
2. I poured him a poor juice.

I tried to get the child to rearrange the sentences, explaining why they were inappropriate or wrongly stated. Child did not want to fix the sentences. Child did not want to do math either. Apparently it was a bad day all around.

Right now, 7:30pm, I took my pm rx cholesterol and Lexapro. I had to take it early. I realized I was causing myself to hyperventilate. I'm starting over again.

Symptoms I'm suffering:
1. hyperventilation because I'm holding my breath
2. Out of body feeling.., I hate that! All my old symptoms are coming back.
3. FEAR about the spots in my mammogram.

Last night I couldn't help but think about my follow up mammogram. I have fibroids in BOTH breasts. When they first popped up they HURT!!! At the end of last year, when I had my panic/anxiety attacks my breasts once again started hurting when I had a bad panic attack. Freaky.

Oh, the photo here is of my neighbor. I went to take my dog for a walk. I had to real him back to avoid the neighbors unleashed dog. They ALWAYS have their dogs off-leash. The other day they jumped the fence and attacked two girls walking down the street. The girls hid on our driveway behind the car. One girl actually was bitten by a dog. She screamed she was going to kick the dog in the head. This was at the end of March, before the tonsillectomy.

Shy should I have to alter my plans because they like to have their dogs leash less. There is a law! Their dogs chased after me seven years ago when I was getting out of the car. They had done it repeatedly that week. Shite!!

4.13.13

Today I opted not to travel out of town. It's too close to just getting my rx back. I'm home recuperating, resting, and organizing. I did take my dog for a walk today.

I'm so glad I don't have to take Celexa anymore. Just the half dose was making me sick. I'd get a tightness in my chest, it felt like my bust size increased from the pressure. I would massage my chest where it hurt. That feeling was terrible. I kept reminding myself the rx is the trigger. I'm not really dying. This feeling will pass bit would take hours to pass. A pill that causes you harm before you can get better is not a good thing. And yet it was better than GENERIC LEXAPRO.

I already told my pharmacy that I am deathly allergic to the generic.

11:43am. Going through my purse I found a day pill keeper. I found a pill from my previous rx bottle there.

3:17pm. I took a nap some time ago and woke up. Last two days I woke up from a nap with a racing heart rate. It eventually calmed down on its own. It was simply my fear. I calmed down. I was in control again.

9:19pm. Time for beddy-by. I kept wondering why I was feeling symptoms on the left side of my chest. I know it's all part of the anxiety, but it still freaks me out. Is it or isn't it real? Is it related to my BP?

I took 1/2 Lexapro at 6pm today. I will soon take the other half. No Xanax has been taken today.

I'm so happy!

Thanks to Doc and everyone at the clinic I got my name brand rx Lexapro.

THANK YOU LORD GOD. AMEN.

I'm resting and relaxing now that I have a month supply again. To celebrate I got a package of Twizzlers. Pizza for lunch

5:15pm.

I just returned from a walk with my family. It started off with me walking the dog then everyone joining in. At the corner we decided to walk further than usual. We walked about 8 blocks all together instead of just one. I was worried about not having my rx on me and having a panic attack. The one that worries me most is the racing heart rate and trouble breathing. I self regulated myself by breathing from the diaphragm deeply. I put on my holy rosary app and listened to it in the way home.

Earlier, right before the walk, I received a phone call from Doc's secretary(?). She let me know the paper work for my authorization had gone through and was waiting for me at the pharmacy. I thanked her and let her know I already knew and had picked it up. I sent a thank you email to the staff via Ms. J's email.

8:01pm

I'm very happy I was able to avoid needing to take a Xanax today. I realized my trigger and found a self soothing, self regulating activity(see 5:15pm entry).

One day left

Today I awoke and called the health net pharmacy via customer service. Adriana was very helpful. As per usual I was ready with the personal stats they would need to verify me. Adriana told me that the pharmacy did receive the fax sent late yesterday. Since it was marked URGENT they will look at it today. I will have a decision today.

It better better be YES.

In today's pill minder rectangle I have a full dose of Celexa to take. Ugh! The flushing that'll give me! I took the first half today with half my BP rx. That helped. I really shouldn't be feeling any flushing when I take a RX. This is ridiculous.


My Lexapro name brand has been APPROVED!!! Yay!!!

1:13pm  I just called the pharmacy.  Lexapro namebrand is ready for pick up!!  I'M ON MY WAY!


Pick up complete.

Overnight 4.11-4.12

I fell asleep in bed propped up on the pillow. When I woke up I felt strange. I believe it may have been because my head was elevated. After I was up for a while I felt better.
I took my night time rx at 8:30pm. About an hour or two before I was feeling irregular, strange, again after dinner. It was anxiety again. I did activities to try and reduce that feeling.

Two days left

Today I woke up and took 1/2 BP pill. Next thing I know I'm napping. Hubby wakes me up to remind me to call Doc. I called the office and left a message with my case mgrs. office partner. He will get the message to Doc to call Health Net.

I'm about to take 1/2 BP again followed by 1/4 celexa. That dose will be followed up again with the 2nd 1/4 dose.

I had minimal flushing. I think that's in part to the Xanax I took at 2:30am.

3:51pm.
I called health net to see if there was an update to the situation. Doc has yet to call the pharmacy. The customer service agent with the LONG foreign name said he called the pharmacy and they told him she had not yet responded. I will be seeing Doc today. During my appt. the time will be made to assure my authorization of Lexapro name brand.

To keep busy today I have walked my dog 3xs. I home schooled a child. I wrote more fiction for MY CRAPPY NOVEL. I haven't updated that blog yet. I always write it in a notebook first and then transfer it to the blog. I'm old school that way.

6:06pm.
I have been back home for 20 minutes now. I arrived at the clinic and a let them know at the front desk. They had me sit in the waiting area. Doc saw me as she passed by and stated she hadn't called yet. For me that's ok because thats what this appt. is for.

The previous client left. I entered and waited for Doc. She came in and did some preliminaries before getting to my health net phone call. After looking for and finding the health net pharmacy no. she calls them. It turns out there was a line she missed. All she had to do was fill it in, put URGENT at the top and fax it in. Then it will be evaluated. She apologized to me. I simply sat there and said, "that's alright, these things happen." "Yes they do", she replied.

During the phone call while on hold she asked me how soon after I run out of medication do I de-compensate. "Go crazy". I was surprised she used that old layman's term. I replied, "pretty quickly. A few days." She relayed the information to the pharmacist.

When the call was over Doc sent the paper work over to her secretary to fax it to the health net pharmacy. Upon her return I thanked her for everything and said i would now go and bother H. N. I went to the front desk and waited for the fax to be confirmed. The first one did kit take. The secretary sent it a second time. This time a confirmation was printed out by the fax machine. I waited a few minutes and called H. N. they said to call back at 8am after they've had a chance to process the faxes.

I wanted to add that the ride to the clinic and back was anxious for me.

Taking my rx today

This morning I woke up at 7:30am. I got up at 8:30am and took the dog for a walk. Why did I wake up late? I'm still adjusting to the transition rx. I returned from walking the dog and made myself breakfast. So far in have taken half dose of my blood pressure pill.


It's 12:12pm. I just called my dr. She's not in today. The secretary will get back to me after her lunch. Time for plan B. where is the dr.?

12:45pm. I'm wary if taking my 1/2 dose celexa again. I'm thinking celexa then BP pill. I believe I did that before. 30 mind apart.

1:56pm.  The dr.'s secretary is back from lunch.  She stated that Doc got the paper work from Health Net and filled it out.  Then she faxed it over to health net last night. I called Health Net just now.  They did receive the paperwork.  They did not receive a prior authorization? Or did they? I couldn't understand Ben in that sentence.   But the pharmacy had questions for Doc. So it will be another 24 hours.

3:07pm. An hour ago I had a soup and took my 1/2 BP pill. 30 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. 10 mins later I took 1/4 celexa. Only minimal flushing then. Yup. Gonna have to pair it with my BP rx. It helped that I was talking to my friend E.


It's 7:50pm.  I'm feeling more flushing since 30 minutes ago.  I don't know why.  The Celexa has gone through my system by now....though it hasn't left me yet.  The Lexapro on the other hand is leaving my system and I am due for another dose.  I just took half the Lexapro dosage and will take the other half later tonight as I usually do. 

Symptoms I'm feeling.

1.  slight headache (this is new)
2. trembling fingers from anxiety (i know this is a symptom of my trigger.)
3. slight shallow breathing (i purposely take deep breaths to compensate) 
4. slight chest pain
5. light headedness

Is it time for the xanax yet? Apparently writing this down is giving me more issues as well. 

I haven't written fiction or drawn at all today.  I've been on my handheld all day. BAD Mami. Bad... I feel the half Lexapro dose working.  I just need to remember to relax.  Later tonight, when I'm better, I will blog again. 


10:55pm. I just awoke from a nap. I want to go back to sleep. I took out my new composition book and started writing fiction again. This one describes hygiene in the wilderness. I like this better. It helped calm me down too.

MY HEALTH

As I stated in my previous blog entry I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks.  I take a medication which just RECENTLY allowed a generic to be made.  Unfortunately that generic does not work for me at all.  It actually left me WORSE than my original condition had!!! I have a journal which I kept citing all the symptons, tears, agonies, heartaches, etc. that I went through since that medication went generic last year. 

Lexapro generic IS NOT Lexapro NAMEBRAND.  Right now I'm fighting to get back my right to have LEXAPRO NAMEBRAND.  I only have enough medication until Friday.  Friday night if this situation is not fixed by then I will have taken my last pill that night.  The next night I will have to take Celexa generic.  Yes I know about transitioning medications.  I'm already doing it.  Celexa SUCKS! just as well.

This afternoon I took half dose of Celexa.  It left me VERY FLUSHED. I didn't feel better until I had a bowel movement.  I am taking to heart what my dear younger sister said to me tonight.  $150 is a worthwhile investment in myself for the namebrand medication. 

When I started this nightmare last year...NIGHTMARE!!!

When I started my nightmare through mental health last year I went through SEVERE SYMPTOMS.

1. FLUSHING
2. HEART PALPITATIONS
3. SUPER TACHY HEART RACING
4. TIGHTNESS OF CHEST
5. DIZZINESS
6. LIGHTHEADEDNESS
7. FEELING OF IMPENDING DOOM
8. EMOTIONAL IMBALANCE

I found myself not wanting to die but wishing for death just the same for all the PHYSICAL AILMENTS placed upon me by the generic lexapro!  I am still recuperating from those physical symptoms.  Now I have to deal with a countdown.

So, here goes.  As of today I have until Friday night to get my prescription in order with medi-cal and health net. I have four more pills left.

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!

MY CRAPPY NOVEL : DAY ONE WTF!!!:      I was in town, minding my own business when the big thumb of the government was pressed down on  me! :( :) :( .  It was the coldest d...
i'm writing this crapy novel as therapy for my condition. 






i started writing it in a comp book which i paid 50cents for at dollar tree. now i'm editing it and posting. 

When I started writing the first entry into the composition notebook I started having low grade anxiety. How come?  Well, first I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  Second, when I started writing the scenario out I actually was processingt the situation.  So my brain started processing a make believe scenario that requires a fight or flight reaction.  There was no REAL situation, I got stuck with the flight reaction.  I actually cut my intro short because of it and skipped right into day two.