Someone drew this picture of Sherlock Holmes as a child being bullied. I looked at it and thought "this looks familiar". It is PERSONALLY familiar to me as my classmates did this to me every Monday through Friday for 12 years of my life! What's the difference? Sherlock was ostracized for his anti-social hyper aware abilities. I was ostracized because of my race/ethnicity.
I was called the N-word, a communis(not true, pro-democracy), wiggy(because my mom wears a wig), moose head(see before, hated YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISIONS nickname), bush woman(thanks to a social studies lesson), freak, he-man (cuz I had to defend myself physically). I was pushed, shoved, and punched. 👐👊👇✋ They tried to beat me up butI fought back. I wasn't an easy target for physical abuse. 👊
I took a lot of shit growing up. I was able to separate home life from school life. I told myself after high school I never had to see them again.
At my ten year reunion I went with a date. He was ten years older than me, from the same home country, but separated from his partner and babies momma.
I went to my reunion, excited to see my old school mates. WHY? I still wanted to be accepted, that's why. Well people mingled and never stayed in a group. Eventually they would join their clique. I didn't have any friends in my grade. My best friend from high school graduated a year ahead of me. So, she wasn't there. I was embarrassed in front of my date. He asked me if my friends were present. I told him the truth. I didn't have friends in my class.
I saw a man who I had known since elementary. I went up to talk to him. He was genuinely happy to see me. He had been worried about me. He was glad to see me alive and well. He didn't know how I had survived THE SHIT they had put me through. He thought I was a prime risk for self-permanent, damage. I don't want to use the S-word. It's so ugly and terrible.
Bullying hurts. It hurts emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually. There are all types of bullying and abuse.
How did it leave me?
1. I never thought I could be a leader; only a follower who takes orders. Who would follow me?
2. I didn't want children. If even the younger children, and my sibling would gang up on me I didn't need it in my house from my own children.
3. I was a LONER. I didn't have friends at school. I only had classmates. My siblings had friends. They were all smart and in the in-crowd. Not me. I would finally get a friend my junior year.
4. I walked with my head down. I never looked forward. I had no self-esteem!
5. I never asked directly to pair up with anyone in class because I felt no one wanted me as a friend. Everyone paired up with someone else. I always ended up either alone or with the teacher.
6. When I talk about this to my original nuclear family they pounce on me. I used to come home on occasion and tell my mom the other kids don't like me. They hated me.
7. I am socially awkward. I am a nerd, an ugly duckling. Period. That's it. That's not going to change any time soon. I can only try to hold my tongue and not jump into other people's business.
8. I take things personally. I can't help it.
9. I suffer anxiety and panic attacks.
What's changed?
1. I'm married with one child.
2. I am a leader. I found my self-esteem. Anyone tries to crap on me either I tell them off or I walk away from them. I decide who's in my circle of influence.
3. I do not allow bullying. Not from within, of without. I never allowed cliques or bullies to get a stronghold in my classroom.
4. I actually walk head up and ahead now. I don't hide anymore. Even if I am overweight now.
5. I don't talk to my family about bullying anymore. They don't even know about this blog. If they did they'd never let me hear the end of it. I'd get phone calls daily. "Why did you put that on your blog? Take they down. You want the neighbors to see?" I did get my sibling to apologize to me on one occasion.
6. I like speaking up now. My coworkers always get me to speak up for the group. I don't mind because I like to show off. I like getting applauses.
7. Because I was a loner and did everything on my own, my mistakes are mine and no one else's. no one influenced me negatively to drink or do drugs. I waited until I believed my baggage of the time was dealt with before I got involved with my spouse.
Now I have new issues. If I didn't it wouldn't be living in society. As our therapist said, "you don't reach 40 without having baggage."
EVERYONE HAS BAGGAGE.
Christopher Titus trusts people with Crappy life growing up because they know how to handle a situation. Someone from a perfect upbringing won't know what to do the first time they get a challenge. They'll roll up into a ball and freak out.
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