Mammogram follow up

Today I had a follow up to my mammogram. The technician told me the doctor wanted two more X-rays on the left boob. She positioned me on he torture chamber then proceeded to lift me off the floor(j/k). The second torturous event I kindly asked her to hurry the *{^~' up. She finished the X-ray and quickly released me. I massaged my left booby. Poor deflated thing. Then I followed the technician to the back room for the sonogram. Here is where I finally met Dr. Z. 

She performed the sonogram on me. She said it looked like a fatty deposit. Next step is a follow-up, check up in six months. They'll measure it again. If its bigger then they'll remove it. If it stays the same then it stays. Then two years later its considered benign as long as it doesn't grow. Well, I'm relieved. 

IN OTHER NEWS

Today I started a walking club. We walked 1.22 miles today. We're repeating again regularly during the week. We have s closed group on a social media. People have to be either invited or request to join. They have to be a mom at the school. No soliciting either. 

Sewing projects.

After making the cinch pouch I found myself with extra energy. I decided, after a while, to spend that energy a good way by pursuing another project. I went to the bedroom and found an old ripped up pair of jeans. I took the jeans and an old pair of pajamas to the computer table. I sat there for a bit with big scissors at hand visualizing the project I wanted to do.

I aimed the scissors at the right isn't leg and started cutting. After cutting the right pant leg; unevenly apparently, I cut the left leg more evenly. 

TO BE CONTINUED   

Cinch Pouch

Today I finished a cinch pouch I've been working on for a few days. I took a cut off leg pant and sewed the bottom right above the cuff. Then the other narrower side I sewed a low hem. Next I took a safety pin to a yarn and let my m-i-l pull it threw the low hem. Finally I cinched it to close it. Next up decorating it.

Therapy by the group

This week I started my therapy on managing stress anxiety and depression. It was a good session. I made new friends and realized in my group I'm not the only one with anxiety.

The rules of A.A. style sessions applies. What is said in session stays in session. You don't have to share if you don't want to. Respect the person talking. Enjoy art journaling. Its not the Product but the PROCESS of the journey(art). I loved the art journaling. I showed my dependent.

This person enjoyed art journaling as well.
It was needed as this person had overheated at lunch time. I ended up cooling said person down in the bathtub.

Home alone again

Yesterday I was left home alone with my dependent. Today it's the same thing. Why do I feel more nervous about bit now? I don't know. I'm doing my breathing techniques.

Yesterday I talked to my mom on the phone. I'll contact someone again today. Part of the reaching out for help theme from group therapy yesterday.

I called my family again today. My family didn't answer in time or fast enough. It wasn't their fault. Since I was alone with my dependent I didn't feel like going into a tailspin. I had physical symptoms that went with my anxiety/panic attack. Tightness of chest and stomach areas, Lightheadedness, trouble focusing. I felt myself losing a battle. I had to take a .5 Xanax. I didn't want to scar and scare my dependent by having to call 9-1-1.

I finally reach my mom. We talk over the phone by FaceTime. She sees me working on a new project. I'm cutting the legs of of two pairs of jeans. I'm very happy to talk to her about this project. I'll be making jean shorts, and a pouch, as well.

The rest of my family comes home after a while. The dog is greeted in the living room while I am still waiting in the bedroom. Teasing ensues now. My family is home.

The Medic

Today a younger than me family member continued to text me about this being my wake up call. I texted another family member asking to help calm down the first one.

My younger relation was mentioning about

•weight is a factor in cancer cells
•processed foods cause cancer
• relation had gone thru own wake up call with diabetes. Given five years if didnt change lifestyle.


Person went on and on. I tried my best not to read the texts. Eventually I deleted them without reading.

Tonight I ate a parfait from 7-11.

Let Loose the Hounds of Hell

Last night I took .5 Xanax after I got a call from the clinic. The doctor wanted me to come in earlier and talk about my mammogram results. Now the breast clinic, DBC, had already sent me a letter stating I had spots on my mammogram and they wanted to follow it up with a sonogram.

We were at odds yesterday and it carried to today. This morning while taking relative out of home we got into a verbal fight. Told me to go home walking. Guess what I did. I let out curses and was planning to walk to local diner to get away from fight. After dropping relative off relation got in car and caught up to me. Angrily signaling to get in the car. I was pissed. I didn't want to.

We drove arguing for a while. Upon reaching the house we sat in the car and continued to Argue. We each shouted ou our points at each other.

We finally got to the doctor. The gremlins were playing with my records. First they couldn't find my file. Then, when they found it, they couldn't find the results from DBC. I called DBC and left a message for them to call the clinic and re-fax my results.

Finally 30 minutes later I'm finally Seen by the doctor. My case manager and my relation join me in the patient room. The nurse practitioner tells me there us a 1.0 cm dense area in my left outer upper quadrant. They will follow up with a sonogram. I got that letter about the sonogram appt. already.

After the session relation picks up our relative while I have a therapy walk with my case manager. Talking with the case manager helps me to relieve stress. St two I called my relation to pick me up. Both come and get me. We eat lunch at Subway. I had comfort food. Soup, salad and a drink. Meatball sandwich, vegetable beef soup, and lemonade.

My therapist saw me before my appt. and told me expect a call this evening to follow up. My therapist was fully booked. I was reminded, this evening during the phone call, that the staff was there for me.